The Marketing Mix | official blog of the Marketing Mentor community

Guest Post: Networking and the Rashomon Effect

Last week, Crain's New York Business hosted one of their regular networking breakfasts, this one on the Business of Arts and Culture, a target market that several of my clients are pursuing. So I suggested to each that they attend. Three of them did and told me about it afterward. What I found amazing was the Rashomon effect -- how different was the experience of each of them, from, "There was no one to network with" to "I can't believe how many good prospects were in the room." I asked one of them, Jezra Kaye of Communicate with Power and Ease, to write about her experience and here's what she wrote. I hope it inspires you as much as it inspires me.

Last week, I attended an expensive breakfast event sponsored by Crain’s New York Business.  It began with a half-hour for networking, but (like a true subconscious resister), I managed to show up 20 minutes late. With only 10 minutes ‘till the program started, most people were already seated and most tables were already full.

I’m too late to meet anyone, I thought. Can I go home now?

Only the memory of the money I’d spent (and not wanting to look like an idiot to Ilise!) kept me from walking back out the door. I found an empty seat, sat down, and soon discovered that the man sitting next to me was (a) delightful and (b) a potential client.

Crain’s high-level panelists started talking. And, lo and behold, twenty minutes later, a friend of mine we’ll call Nellie slipped into the room, looking flustered, frustrated...  and really late.

I sought her out when the program were over and, as I’d expected, she said, I’m so upset that it’s too late to network. Let’s find a Starbucks and hang out.

If I hadn’t just been through that same riff, I might have bought it. Instead, I looked around the room and noticed that many participants were lingering. 

How can it be too late when there are still people here? I asked. And then, finding the courage to do on Nellie’s behalf what I probably wouldn’t have done for myself, I said, Let’s meet some people and then go for coffee.

We dutifully separated and hit the room. She met two new contacts, including one of the event speakers.  I met two great people and reconnected with an acquaintance. Finally, the room started emptying. On our way out, Nellie and I stopped by the ladies room, where we met another fascinating attendee, chatting with her all the way down to the street, where business cards were exchanged all around.

So if you’re like me and always asking, Can I go home now??? maybe the answer is:  As soon as you’ve met just one more person.

Because it’s actually not too late!

Cold visiting like cold calling?

A Marketing Mix reader from Spain, photographer María J. Fuertes, sent me an interesting question via email.

Part of her freelance photography business involves approaching local businesses, both to solicit business for her work and to gain advertisers for a local magazine she's setting up. (And three entrepreneurial cheers for María's ambitious plans!)

But if cold calling can feel...um, daunting, "cold visiting" seems exponentially scarier! As she says,

I really don't know how to do this, whenever I visualise myself entering a shop and starting to talk with the assistant or owner I already feel I won't know how to continue.

The other same day I was just asking a shop if they would be willing to participate in a photoshoot with their garments (for free!) so that they could get a bit of publicity and in exchange I could use their clothes for the magazine and by the end of the conversation I was already wanting to disappear! (I think at the end I managed to mumble something about their beautiful clothes...) All because the guy seemed quite serious but nothing else, he said it was ok that we only had to talk and see how to organise it.

I feel your pain, sister. I spent one collegiate summer selling ad blotter space to campus-area vendors and did not exactly set the world on fire. Since then, I've learned that preparing yourself mentally is a big part of it, as well as learning not to take rejection personally. You're there to help, and in order to do that, you need to find the people who are a good fit.

Does anyone else out there have some great cold visiting tips for María? How do you approach someone in person for the first time? Is it like cold calling?

Review: Assertiveness training is not just for shy folk

For those of you assertive types who have been waiting for an excuse to read Ilise's last book, Stop Pushing Me Around: A Workplace Guide for the Timid, Shy and Less Assertive, look no further than the great insights executive coach Kent Blumberg puts forth in a review on his blog:

I am far from shy.  (In fact I can sometimes be a bit too much for some people.)  And yet I found huge value in this book.  Each of us has shy moments, and those moments are what this book is for.

Exactly!

But as Kent also points out, that's not all this book has to offer. In addition to some great exercises that will help introverts (and help extroverts understand us), there's lots of good, smart "homework" that will make you a savvier self-promoter. Some highlights Kent points out:

• Many, if not most of you understand the need to craft a short "elevator speech" to explain to folks what it is that you do.  Ilise takes that concept and turbo-charges it, helping us craft ten different versions, each with its own use.  She shows us how to write a version Mom would understand, for example, and one for a stranger you see in the doctor's office.  Very cool ideas here (and some homework for me).

• Benun gives us templates to help us tell compelling stories about ourselves.  For example, she shows us how to construct the story of one of our top achievements.

If you want to read Kent's full review (and/or start a conversation about it on his blog), go here.

Any of you regular (or not so regular) readers want to chime in about what you got out of the book?

For better networking, put people to work

I've gotten really interested in exploring the way people use handwritten notes, which you may have noticed here on the blog. So much so that I've been interviewing people about how and why they use handwritten notes as part of their marketing mix.

So last night at a networking event, it only felt natural to bring up the topic with the people I met, and spring the same question on each of them.

Presto! Instant conversation, whether they were pro or con. Plus it was a great way to solicit business cards from people without being a tool: "May I have your card to follow up if I have more questions as I research this topic?"

Anyone else tried this?

The introverts were quite extroverted

I was really impressed last Thursday, when I gave my "Interpersonal Skills for Introverts" presentation at the NY Public Library of Science, Business and Industry. The 75 introverts who showed up were not nearly as shy as I thought they'd be.

I had been warned in advance to be extra sensitive and not force any interaction (which is one of the hallmarks of the workshops I give) so I was trying to think of ways to make it more comfortable for them to participate.  I started off by getting them to raise their hands if they identified with one of the comments or ideas I was describing or if they fit into a particular category. They did that quite enthusiastically. Then others started asking questions (a couple even stood up to ask!) At the point in the session when I talked about the 10-word blurb and explained what an incredible opportunity it is to be able to tell 75 people what you do, 4 brave ones stood up and said theirs to the group, including one of my particularly shy clients. I was so proud!

When it was time for the "how to make a connection" exercise (which means talking for 5 long minutes to the stranger sitting next to them), they got going and I couldn't get them to stop!

One attendee followed up the next day and thanked me for the "party." And it's true there was a party feeling in the room by the end of the session. Several of them found resources they were looking for; others learned something new about someone else's business.

In the end, I didn't need to be so sensitive and I realized that shyness is relative. Some people are more shy than others. Also, it really depends on the situation, which is basically the premise of my book, Stop Pushing Me Around: A Workplace Guide for the Timid, Shy and Less Assertive.

When is it too late to follow up?

The simple answer is: never.

Follow up is the key to growing your business. When and how you do it is up to you but you can always do it. There’s no time limit or statute of limitations on follow up. It’s better to do sooner rather than later, but it’s never too late (unless your prospect is no longer with us, and even then, the project may still be alive).

The amount of time that has passed will simply determine what you say and how you say it. If it's been a while, you'll need to remind them who you are and what you talked about.

For example, if you met someone last month at a luncheon and haven't followed up yet, there's no need to feel bad or to apologize. Simply say, "I can't believe it’s already been a month since we met. I'm finally catching up on my follow up and wanted to be sure and let you know how much I enjoyed our conversation, etc."

Even if you met someone last year, you can still follow up – it’s just that you may need to remind them who you are. Say something like, "I just found your card buried under a stack of papers from last year and I hope you remember me. We met at the NIRI Conference and I was wearing the bright orange shirt and we talked about chocolate and the Scarsdale Diet."

This is where those notes on the back of the card come in handy, as well as the strategy that has you wearing something unusual that you will be able to refer to perhaps forever (if it's unusual enough).

And notice that there is no apology anywhere. Unless you promised to get back to them with some information and didn't (in which case, it is appropriate to apologize), you really don't need to say you're sorry. After all, they haven't followed up with you either.

And even if they have, we are so barraged with messages that people are much more forgiving if one slips through the cracks. Your job in reaching out is to fill in those cracks.

Guest Post: A Surprisingly Pleasant Introduction to Speed Networking

Today's guest post comes from Marketing Mentor client Mary McCauley of 5 Star Writing, who's sent us good linkage in the past and decided to jump in with both feet this time. It's a great lesson on what can happen when you venture out of your comfort zone, as well as an interesting story about a wild way to network.

When I had a chance to go to a speed networking event that would expose me to people in my target niche (the Technology Association of Georgia sponsored this particular event), I knew I had to go. I purposely hadn’t marketed myself since mid-November because I wanted the holiday to go by quietly and calmly. But now it was time to get back in the saddle.

In case you don’t know, speed networking is networking on steroids. You spend five minutes with a person before moving on to the next. The purpose is to convey your “value proposition,” listen to the other person communicate theirs, and see if you two either A) might be able to establish a business relationship or B) have contacts who could help that person along.

I’m not a shy person, but I find that my energy dwindles if I spend a lot of time with people. (This is actually quite normal for introverts, whereas extroverts find themselves energized by socializing. To read more about this, I highly recommend Marti Olsen Laney’s book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.) Therefore, I tend to avoid those situations.

However, I’ve worked with Ilise long enough to know that resistance should often be ignored (step outside my comfort zone, just because it feels yucky doesn’t necessarily mean it will turn out that way, etc.). So I went.

And you know what? It wasn’t that bad.

Etiquette, according to Oprah (and company)

If for no other reason than her amazingly consistent brand message across media, you must bow down to Queen Oprah. I finally caught up with my magazine reading yesterday and was delighted anew at what a wonderful job she does with O, the Oprah magazine—especially when you consider how little she probably has to do with the day-to-day (or even month-to-month) running of things.

But it stands to reason: two of Oprah Winfrey's strengths are (a) having a strong point of view and (b) finding the right people who either share it personally or know it well enough to spread the word. There's greatness in many voices, and she's brilliant at tapping into that wisdom of the many.

For example, this month's issue has an article on etiquette, with a host of 'expert'  contributors—from Tim Gunn to Nora Ephron—weighing in on various sticky situations. The multiplicity of voices makes it both a fun and useful read: if I don't like Nora's advice, I may like how she gives it, and there's someone else to offer up what may be less pithy but more pertinent-to-me advice. (Abbreviated version of the article online, here.)

It reminded me of an article on business etiquette that Ilise contributed to a month or so ago (here, at The Creative Group). It, too, is chock full of great tips on how to deal with sticky situations, and if one person's advice doesn't float your boat, there's always another way to go.

Although personally, I can't imagine Ilise giving advice that's anything but perfect :-)

'Tis the season to work the room quickly

Like it or not, with Halloween is behind us, the Thanks-chris-new-kwanz-ukkuh season has officially begun. For many of us, that means attending a lot more events, networking and otherwise, than we do during the rest of the year.

Bruce Allen over at Marketing Catalyst has some interesting ideas about how to maximize your time at an event when you absolutely, positively can't stay for the duration. (He's an attorney, and a gracious one at that, so his disclaimer states that he does not advocate early departure; he just gets that sometimes it's necessary.)

What's interesting is that a few of the tips are great party-hacks for introverts who might otherwise stay all night and not work the whole room. Some Ilise has mentioned in her book—arriving early, for example, and positioning yourself near the door for part of the time to greet people as they arrive.

I also like his idea of offering to pick up drinks for a small group on your way to the bar. If it's a large enough order, someone will probably offer to join you to ferry stuff back. Besides, who isn't going to be your new best friend for bringing them a fresh cocktail?

You can read the rest of Bruce's ninja networking strategies here. And if you have any other tips besides those in his exhaustive list, please do share in the comments. Sharing is in the spirit of the season, right?

Anatomy of a Coaching Transaction

I'm not sure if I've ever made this explicitly clear, but I'm still very much a client of Marketing Mentor. Here on the blog, things are pretty egalitarian; off the blog, however, Ilise is boss. (That's what I pay her for!)

I'm also not sure if the random person who stumbles across my ramblings here understands how very much I am still learning the self-promotion ropes. I'm not the genius writer of all time, but I do know enough to edit before hitting "publish," and perhaps in translating I come across as more together than I really am. Because I'm not. Or, to put a finer point on it, I am in some ways and very much not in others.

So when Ilise suggested I share a recent transaction with the class, I thought it might be useful to break it down and make the process more transparent—sort of give folks a peek under the tent, let them see what coaching does (or doesn't, as the case may be).

With that, here's me, warts and all:

1. Back from a four-day conference
2. Needing to follow up with one critical contact
3. Convinced that the contact hated me, my work and everything else about my pathetic and unworthy self.
4. Finally drafting an email that is chatty, charming and completely devoid of request and/or point.

And here's Ilise:

1. Um, where's the request? What do you want this email to do? What's the point, here?

And here's me:

1. Busted!
2. Grudgingly and with heavy heart rewriting email with request and point.
3. Sending email.
4. Planning to kill self and/or go into hiding.

Now, heeeeere's the contact:

1. "Loved meeting you!"
2. "Join me + Important Person for dinner!"
3. "Stay in touch!"

Of course, not every coaching transaction has such a happy ending, but as Ilise said, this one does go a long way towards proving a few points she's constantly trying to make.

Namely:

1. You never know.
2. You never will, unless you try.
3. Trying is hard, but it (probably) won't kill you.

How'd I do, Coach? Did I miss anything? :-)